An APOLOGY is more powerful than an admission. A
conflict arises and a fault or offense is revealed. The offended party
has opened a path of vulnerability by expressing that they've been
injured and how it hurts. The offending party confesses that the thing
occurred, typically with reluctance - that's what admit means.
"Yes, that did happen," they say.
..and that's it. You can hear the pregnant pause in the atmosphere as the wounded person waits for even
one of the three parts of a sincere apology in the meme above.
An APOLOGY is defined as a regretful acknowledgement of an offense or failure.
REGRET means to feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something
that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed
opportunity). King David used the word CONTRITE to describe his feelings
after luring and sleeping with his military subordinate Uriah's wife
Bathsheba, having Uriah killed on the front lines of battle, and
experiencing God's judgment - the loss of their child.
"My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart You, God, will not despise." (Psalm 51:17)
Contrite means feeling or expressing remorse or penitence; affected by guilt.
Without regret and repentance, we have not apologized. Are we vocal and
contrite in our confession of our sins against others or even against
God? or do we just say,
"God already knows what I did. He knows my heart."
Many struggle with forgiveness because there's never been
an apology. Sure, it's
godly to be able to forgive without receiving one, but it's much more
difficult. Relationships where apologies are never made or where one
person is constantly apologizing even for things they have not done,
have elements of jeopardy and an unspoken power struggle.
If the
guilty party never specifically states what the offense was, that it
was their fault, asks for forgiveness and changes their behavior; the
offended party doesn't know their hurt has been acknowledged and
understood. Without a true, sincere and non-compensatory
apology that empathizes with their hurt, there is a greater possibility
that the injury will recur.
Jesus said, "Pay attention and always be on guard [looking out for one another]! If your brother sins and disregards God's precepts, solemnly warn him; and if he repents and changes, forgive him." (Luke 17:3, AMP)
RESTITUTION is the last part of a complete apology that we forget.
Zacchaeus, a wealthy tax collector, was financially cheating the Jews.
He had an encounter with Jesus that brought regret, contrition and
changed behavior. "But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, "Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount." Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house." (Luke 19:8-9a)
Zacchaeus knew the good deeds he was doing were not enough. He'd
defrauded many people and left a train of wounded folks in his wake. He was accountable to God and needed to make things right, so he did. What if we had more true apologies now?
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